Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, but I had a weird dream last night

OK, I know there’s nothing people look forward to more than pretending to listen to someone trying to describe a dream they only half remember. Truly riveting stuff, so I’ll keep it short. 

Because we all know I’m only using this as a way to ease you into the topic. 

In this dream, the office had no working microwave. And it made me realize how much relies on the humble microwave. 

Now, you might think that our newsroom runs on coffee. It’s all you see on the screen and in books. Well, that, and everyone knows that a true red-blooded American’s veins are filled with at least 33 percent coffee. 

(Don’t bother double-checking this figure. If it made it past the editors and onto the page, it must be true.)

No, the caffeine of choice in this newsroom is equally represented with tea, Red Bull and coffee. (It would have been less of a mouthful to leave coffee out of there entirely, if only someone hadn’t ruined my narrative with pesky things like facts and reality. You know who you are.)

It’s not coffee we rely on, it’s the microwave. And I bet your office does as well.  

Think about it. Without the microwave, your food choices become so limited. I mean, sure, you can bring in those leftovers from last night, but get ready to “enjoy” them cold or at a lukewarm room temperature, if you’ve got the patience for it. And if you’ve got strong teeth and unflinching resolve, I guess you could crunch your way through a frozen meal. 

If you want to join the rest of us plebeians with at least two working taste buds, however, you’ll be quickly reduced to some sandwiches, salads and miscellaneous snack foods. Which is fine. But after a while, it becomes so bland. And if there’s anything being hungry for more than 15 minutes has taught me, that’s a crime of the highest order. 

Like those pacing animals you see at the zoo, I need some variety in my life. 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had delicious ingredients waiting to be made into a meal at home, but nothing I could find for a quick, on-the-go work lunch. Food, food everywhere, and not a bite to bring to work. 

So, I’ll default to a simple sandwich or salad. But with the magic of the modern microwave, I can expand into the exciting world of Lean Cuisine or some take out I had the previous night. A veritable feast of options. 

So the next time you use your microwave at work, please make sure to thank it. It does so much for you.

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