As I write this from the Appen Media Group office, I am fearing for my life.
Surely, the floor beneath my feet is about to crumble, plummeting me to a grim injury or worse, death by encasement in drywall, subfloor and office supplies.
I fear death is upon me because there is no way the floor surrounding my desk can structurally cope with the amount of sweat that has fallen from my brow to said floor over the course of this summer.
I’m convinced some of my co-workers must have circulatory problems, because they insist on keeping the air conditioning somewhere between the temperatures of wearing a winter coat under a space shuttle booster and the depths of hell.
This has caused me, a hot-natured person to begin with, to leak perspiration like a broken pipe even while sitting down, doing nothing more than writing these life-changing, Nobel Prize-worthy columns.
But the thing is, I’ve got it made. And I bet you do, too.
Yes, we live in Georgia where temperatures often near triple-digits and humidity levels are so high the air is technically soup. But I wake up in an air-conditioned house, get in my air-conditioned car to travel to my air-conditioned office. The most exposure I get to outside temperatures in a normal day is grabbing a steering wheel or shifter knob that is a little warm. But in just a few minutes, that steering wheel and shifter will be a pleasant 65 degrees.
We all like to complain about the summer temps, but frankly, if you work in an office, retail store or other space with 24-hour air-conditioning fighting the ravages of the Georgia heat on your behalf, you have no reason to complain.
Imagine the roofer who wakes up in the morning knowing he will have to face 90-degree weather atop what is basically a sun reflector. Imagine the woman working for a road contractor, laying down hot asphalt next to sweltering machines and car exhaust with no shade or relief from the scorching sun and heat. Imagine the landscaper whose entire career is built upon working outdoors, and where hot temperatures are no excuse to take a day off.
If you have one of those jobs, or any job where getting heat stroke or becoming severely dehydrated is a real possibility every day this summer, you have merit to your complaints of the heat. Unlike office workers such as myself.
And with that said, and my understanding that my complaints of heat are ridiculous when compared to other jobs, and that I truly understand I have it made no matter the weather, I’m still going to complain about the temperature in this office.
If the computer doesn’t short out before I’m done, that is.