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report print email Source: Editorial: Community in crisis
March 27, 2013 | 01:15 PM

I am so sorry to hear you had to go through this. But maybe I can help you with "why?" As a survivor of suicide attempts, and someone who still contemplates it, I can tell you this: it is escape from UNBEARABLE emotional pain that others cannot even begin to comprehend. Every day is gray and MISERABLE...with no break from it. There is no looking out over the mountains and being consoled, there is no laughter, there is no feeling of affection, there is no feeling at all except for unrelenting misery. I have explained it to others by comparing it to other illnesses; if you have a miserable flu you can take medication to ease the symptoms, and you know that eventually you will feel better. You can watch TV, read or otherwise distract yourself while you recover. For those who are suicidal, there is no relief from the symptoms - without anti-depressants - and there is no hope to ever feel better or enjoy anything ever again. I hate it when people say suicide is a selfish act; it is not. It is the ONLY way to make the unrelenting GRAY MISERY go away...when another moment is just more than one can bear. It sounds as if your son was wonderful; but I also wonder if he was an over-achiever. Over-achievers tend to be at risk for suicide and alcohol abuse. Most of all, PLEASE do not assume you are at all at fault for his suicide. If you saw no sign of what was coming, it is because he did not want you to. I know I will certainly never again tell anyone I am going to kill myself. All that happens is that someone gets in your way. Anyone who truly wants to kill themselves will NOT show it. They do not want to alert anyone who might try to stop them. It is something they are GOING to do, come hell or high water, because relief from the misery is all one wants. (Did I mention that the misery is UNBEARABLE? Relief at any cost is a must.) Concealment and an infallible plan are a necessity. In fact, many appear to be in good spirits just prior to the suicide; that is because they know relief is coming, and the unending GRAY will be FINALLY be gone. (Perhaps comparing it to a person with a terminal, illness, who knows there will only be worse - never better - for them; suicide for them also is an escape from a misery that will never end.) Hope this helps a little as to "why".

Mary Jones
Atlanta, GA
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