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2008-11-13  COLUMNISTS | Is an interfaith marriage feasible?
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November 11, 2008
My fiance and I come from different faith backgrounds. He is Jewish and I am a Christian. What should we consider before tying the knot?
Rabbi Harvey Winokur: First and foremost, you should meet with your respective rabbi and minister. I find that most couples have not considered the impact of raising a family in a two-faith marriage.
Signing up for classes at a temple and a church is also recommended. It is important to decide into which faith the child(ren) will be raised before marriage. You are shirking your responsibility as parents if you decide to raise them with a little of each faith and let them decide when they get older.
Finally, go to a premarital counselor. There are many areas that have to be considered: How similar or different are your family backgrounds? How well do you communicate and resolve conflicts?
As all married couples have learned, love does not conquer all.
Deacon Michael Bickerstaff: Interfaith (Christian and Non-Christian) and "mixed" (two Christians of different faiths) marriages can present couples with unique challenges as they seek to enter the covenant bond of matrimony. This is particularly true if one or both parties are very active and involved in the practice of their faith. I will assume this is true in your case.
Your Christian beliefs and your fiance's Jewish beliefs share much in common, but you must be honest with yourselves about the differences in your respective faith's core teachings and how these might place stress on your relationship. While it is perfectly possible that you can have a successful marriage, it would be a mistake to ignore these differences and assume that you will resolve them at some later point in your relationship.
Three of the most critical questions to resolve up front are: Where the two of you will worship (and even the question of if you will worship together)? In what faith will your children be raised? And how will they be affected if mom and dad worship or do not worship together?
Pre-marital preparation that includes an honest assessment of these questions and other questions is essential, and you should approach your pastor and rabbi well in advance of setting your wedding date. I will pray for you both and wish you every happiness.
Pastor Scott Seeke: I think there are three key things. First, you should recognize that no two people agree on absolutely everything in their faith. My wife and I are both ordained Lutheran pastors, and we don't agree on everything.
Second, you should know that there's a good chance this will remain a difference for the rest of your lives, and be OK with that. If either of you expects to convert the other, you are setting yourself up for great disappointment.
It may happen, but should not be a condition for your marriage. Marriages are work, and this is an area you will have to work on.
Finally, I encourage each of you to find ways participate in the other's faith in some capacity. Hopefully you can find ways to do that which you enjoy and yet are true to what each of you believe.
• Scott Seeke is Pastor of The River Church in Milton. Born and raised in upstate New York, Pastor Scott lives in Alpharetta with his wife Beth, who is also a pastor. They have two small children.
• Deacon Mike Bickerstaff is the Director of Adult Education and Evangelization for St. Peter Chanel parish in the Archdiocese of Atlanta. He is the Chaplain for the local Atlanta chapter of the Woodstock [Theological Center] Business Conference. He is married with two grown children.
• Rabbi Harvey J. Winokur serves at Temple Kehillat Chaim in Roswell. He was born in Brooklyn and grew up on Long Island and in Buffalo. He received his B.A. at the SUNY at Buffalo, and his M.A. and Ordination at the Hebrew Union College in Cincinnati, Ohio.
If you have a question for the holy men or are a fellow clergyman or woman of any faith who would like to participate in this weekly conversation, e-mail its moderator, Pastor Scott Seeke, at faith@northfulton.com.
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