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FOOLISHNESS....OR IS IT?
Hope you enjoy my mind wanderings. Always thought provoking. Usually published with serious humor.
Displaying 1 through 10 of 105 records found.
This May Be The Last Foolishness
Or Is It?
On this particular subject.
February 22, 2009 | 10:48 AM
I hope I did not make you sad when you first read the above title.
Most of all I really hope I did not make you happy when you first read the above title.
The "particular subject" I am referring to in the Sub-Title is something like, "The fear we have in America of being sued over darn-near anything" or "Those gosh-darn lawyers are ruining the good ole USofA".
In today's newspaper there is an ad for a Security Safe for $50 and a Fire-Safe Security Chest for $20. The picture of these two items shows the doors to each of them partially open so that we can see there are various things inside. It is hard to identify all of the inside things but to me it looks like
ุ Papers.
ุ One of those little cases that contains a ring for your finger.
ุ A passport.
ุ Other stuff.
The You-Ain't-Gonna-Believe-This-Part
There is a disclaimer at the bottom of each item's picture that reads
"Contents Not Included".
Now is that really necessary? I'm sorry to say it really is necessary. If the lawyers were not protecting us from the lawyers, some shopper would probably end up with
ุ The deed to someone else's house.
ุ The address list for the Flowers-For-Sure Garden Club.
ุ Someone's deceased grandmother's wedding ring.
ุ A new passport.
One can only wonder what treasures are contained in the "Other Stuff" bullet above. You can rest assured that, for a fee, your lawyer will find out what the "Other Stuff" is.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella?
The Dire Economic Circumstances Out ThereThings are really getting bad!
February 22, 2009 | 10:30 AM
From my newspaper on February 22, 2009
Around 100,000 people filled the streets Saturday in protest at the government's handling of the country's economic crisis, police said. The march was meant as a warning shot to the government, which wants to cut public-sector pay even as it pumps billions of dollars into its troubled banks. This plan comes amid revelations of shady dealings and irresponsible lending at banks now getting taxpayer's help.
Wow! That dirty government! Those crooked banks! That terrible old president! That terrible new president! We are sick and tired of this and we are not going to put up with it any more!
Oh, by the way, I changed the actual wording of the newspaper article somewhat. It is an article about Ireland.
Do you feel better?
Would I kid u?
Smartfella?
Senator Chuck Schumer Is A Real PersonFor a while I was not sure he truly existed.
February 20, 2009 | 09:13 AM
It seems like every time the Majority Leader of our Senate, Harry Reid, (I'll call him Harry from here on out) steps up to a podium filled with microphones there is Senator Chuck Schumer (I'll call him Chuck from here on out) standing behind ole Harry.
Chuck stands there and smiles, shakes his head, looks around and smiles some more. One day I noticed Chuck's movements seemed to be sort of mechanical and repetitious. Then I noticed that Chuck sometimes smiled at the wrong time. It seemed he was not paying close attention to what Harry was saying. This bothered me and I determined to find out if there really was a Chuck.
I got into my car and started driving to Washington D.C. On the drive up, my mind was spinning with possibilities. About half way to D.C., I was toying with a likely scenario for this quandary of mine
ุ There really is not a Chuck.
ุ Harry felt a need to have loyal back-there support whenever he spoke to us folks back home.
ุ He thought of when he had gone to a Disneyland and he had seen those mechanical Disney creations standing all over the place directing him to restrooms, exits, rides, etc.
ุ Sometimes they were animals and sometimes they are very realistic looking people things.
ุ Harry had gone to the Imagineers at Disneyland and told them of his dilemma and they created a standup loyal supporter that looked like a Senator and they named him Chuck.
By the time I got to the outskirts of D.C. I felt fairly certain that this is what had happened but I was determined to find out for sure.
I found out when the next time Harry was going to be making a momentous announcement to the media (actually this happens every 53 minutes). I disguised myself as a walking potted plant and snuck around to the side of the podium as Harry was speaking. There it was! I had confirmation of my beliefs! Chuck was behind Harry, as usual, and there was a tether rope that connected Chuck from his belt buckle to the back of Harry belt thru a hole in Harry's suit coat. Chuck was on wheels and every time Harry went anywhere, Chuck was sure to follow.
Right then and there I decided to hold a news conference of my own to tell the folks back home the real truth about the connection between Harry and Chuck. I thought that the best place to hold such a news conference was in the imitation office of the imitation Chuck. I gathered several reporters who were too far back in the gaggle surrounding Harry's ongoing news conference to really hear anything being said. I led them to imitation Chuck's office and, when I opened the door, there was the real Chuck taking a nap on a couch.
The end result of all of this is I was right but I was also wrong. There is a real Chuck (who sleeps a lot) and there is also an imitation Chuck (who follows Harry everywhere he goes).
Later I asked Harry about how this amazing scenario had come about and he was very open about the whole history of the Chuck on Wheels. One very interesting thing he told me was that the Disney people had, at first, offered to sell him a spare Goofy on Wheels but Harry smiled and said, with a twinkle in his eye, "I was too smart to fall for that. No one would believe that Goofy could be elected Senator".
Would I kid u?
Smartfella?
The Problem With LawyeringOur lawyers are just confused.
February 19, 2009 | 06:16 PM
Today, February 19, 2009 in the newspaper I have found out what is the root cause of all the foolishness and confusion that is taking place in our courtrooms.
Here is what I uncovered in the reporting on a case where a father was convicted in the death of his child
ุ The father was convicted of felony murder.
ุ The father was acquitted of malice murder.
Do you see it? It is right there in front of you. The lawyers are trying to do their best but they are being covered up by the technicalities of the technicalities.
I can just see them thinking they understand the difference but getting all befuddled while making their arguments and having to ask for a recess so they can run into the restroom with their laptops to Google it (again)
"What is the difference between Felony and Malice Murder?" They thought they had it straight but by golly it got away from them again!
WhatYaWannaBet the presiding judge is not in his private restroom doing the very same thing?
Would I kid u?
Smartfella?
A History LessonIt aint gonna be easy.
February 18, 2009 | 11:06 AM
Warning: This is a short History Lesson about the Great Depression. If you don't want to read a short History Lesson about the Great Depression, stop now and go about pursuing other pursuits.
I used to think that Franklin D. Roosevelt came into office, made a lot of changes, created a lot of new government agencies and sat back to watch things turn around. I knew that the Depression was really ended by the Second World War but I did think that we had made real progress up until the time when the war "fixed" everything.
Right now our News Media is announcing everything President Obama does in words that make us think to ourselves, "Is this The fix?"
The Smartfella's? Great Depression Short History*
It all started On October 29, 1929 when the Dow Jones Industrial Average fell from 261 to 230. If you are still reading this, remember that 230 number.
President Herbert Hoover did not sit on his hands waiting for FDR to be elected. Some of the things he tried were:
June 1930
Signed the Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act (some say an awful move that really ensured very bad things to come).
July 1930
Created the Veterans Administration.
June 1931
Proposed a one-year moratorium on international debts.
October 1931
Created the National Credit Corporation.
February 1932
Created the Reconstruction Finance Corporation.
I am sure Hoover tried other things but this history lesson is about FDR.
In 1933
March
FDR says in his Inauguration Speech, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself" and proclaims a bank holiday for the following week.
(This is a side track to our FDR history lesson: The Duke of Wellington once said, "The only thing I am afraid of is fear". Since he died in 1852, it is safe to say that FDR borrowed this 1933 inspirational phrase.)
March
The Civilian Conservation Corps is established.
May
The Tennessee Valley Authority is established.
May
The Federal Emergency Relief Act becomes law.
May
The Agricultural Adjustment Administration is established.
May
The Securities Act of 1933 becomes law.
June
The Farm Credit Act becomes law.
June
The Banking Act of 1933 becomes law and establishes the Federal Bank Deposit Insurance Corporation.
June
The National Industry Recovery Act becomes law and establishes National Recovery Administration and the Public Works Administration.
August
FDR establishes the National Labor Board.
In 1934
January
The Farm Mortgage Refinancing Act becomes law.
February
The Export-Import Bank is establishes.
April
The Home Owners Loan Act of 1933 becomes law.
June
The Securities and Exchange Act becomes law and establishes the Securities and Exchange Commission.
June
The Reciprocal Trade Agreement Act becomes law.
June
The Communications Act becomes law and establishes the Federal Communications Commission.
June
The National Housing Act becomes law and establishes the Federal Housing Administration.
June
The New Federal Farm Bankruptcy Act becomes law and permits moratoria on mortgage foreclosures.
In 1935
April
The Emergency Relief Appropriation Act becomes law and establishes the Resettlement Administration.
April
FDR signs bill to create the Soil Conservation Service in the Department of Agriculture.
May
FDR establishes the Works Progress Administration.
May
FDR establishes the Rural Electrification Administration.
July
FDR establishes the National Labor Relations Board.
August
The Social Security Act becomes law.
August
The Revenue Act becomes law.
August
FDR signs the Neutrality Resolution.
In 1936
January
Supreme Court declares Agricultural Adjustment Act unconstitutional and shortly thereafter the Soil Conservation and Domestic Allotment Act becomes law.
August
The Federal Reserve Bank raises required reserves by 50 percent from 7 to 10.5 percent. Future increases will double the rate.
In 1937
February
FDR announces his Federal Court Reorganization bill (his court-packing bill).
In 1938
June
The Fair Labor Standards Act becomes law.
In 1939
July
FDR signs his Reorganization Plan No. 1 of 1939, establishing the Federal Works Agency through the consolidation of five existing agencies.
In 1940
November 5th
FDR wins third term.
November 6th
The Dow Jones Industrial Average closes at 132.
Do you remember what it was at the end of October 29, 1929? It was 230.
If you read this as an indictment of FDR and his policies, you are wrong. What I have tried to convey is
It Ain't Gonna Be Easy.
Was this not a pain to read? That having been said, I hope you got this far. I love history!
Would I kid u?
* The source for all of the above facts not me. The true source is The Forgotten Man by Amity Shlaes.
Smartfella?
After The BombOnly two of us are left
One Conservative & One Liberal
February 15, 2009 | 01:09 PM
The big war the Kingston Trio predicted in the 1960s has just come to an end. The dust has only recently settled. As it turns out the only two survivors happen to be in the United States. It is fortunate they are in close proximity and within a very few days they find each other.
Something tells them that they are the only two left on Planet Earth. They do the only logical thing. They set up housekeeping together. They tell each other that the resurrection of the human race depends on them and only them. They even start calling each other Adam & Eve.
One afternoon they get into discussing politics. After a heated exchange, they end up really angry at each other. After dinner, still angry about the other's political beliefs, they go to sleep in separate bedrooms.
About three in the morning the male gets out of bed and sneaks into the female's bedroom and stabs her to death while she is asleep.
Within minutes he dies of the poison she had put in his dinnertime meatloaf.
Are you wondering which one was the Conservative and which one was the Liberal? Does it make any difference? I will leave you with this thought for the day
There are a lot of things in our world more important than politics.
Would I kid u?
In case you have forgotten what the Kingston Trio sang about so long ago
But we can be tranquil and thankful and proud
For man's been endowed with a mushroom shaped cloud
And we know for certain that some lovely day
Someone will set the spark off
And we will all be blown away
Smartfella?
You Are Going To Be Hearing A Lot About Barry BondsBeam me up Scotty. There are no intelligent judges down here.
February 13, 2009 | 10:04 PM
Barry Bond's Drug Trial is coming up. The operative words here are "Drug Trial". It seems to the Smartfella that if we are going to have a Drug Trial that we ought to be spending a lot of time during the Drug Trial considering Drug Evidence.
That's how it seems to the Smartfella but the judge in the case does not think that the Smartfella is real smart.
According to an Associated Press article dated February 6, 2009, I found the following
"Court documents indicate Bonds tested positive on three occasions in 2000 and 2001 for the steroid methenelone in urine samples; he also tested positive two of those three times for the steroid nandrolone."
"The three drug tests were some of the strongest evidence the government had in its effort to prove Bonds knowingly took steroids."
Ready for the bombshell? The judge in this case says her "preliminary thoughts" are to exclude from trial the three positive drug tests.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella?
Some Things I Will Never UnderstandWords that make you say, Huh?
February 13, 2009 | 08:29 AM
See if you can catch the key word(s)
The Associated Press wrote this about Hamas on December 31, 2008, "Its military wing has claimed responsibility for terrorists attacks and suicide bombings against Israeli civilians and troops, and is considered a terrorist organization by the United States, the European Union, Canada and Japan. It is banned in Jordan."
Did you take note of the key words "claimed responsibility for terrorists attacks" and "considered"?
Now let me see if the Smartfella? can get his mind around this one
ุ They "claimed responsibility" for terrorist attacks (that means they said they did the attacking).
ุ The countries mentioned above "consider" them to be terrorists.
ุ "Consider" seems to indicate that they may or they may not be terrorists.
ุ "Claim responsibility" seems to go a long way to removing all doubt that they are terrorists.
What are we to think? Are we to say to ourselves something like, "They say they are terrorists but they may be lying? We can't trust them to tell the truth about such weighty issues like terrorists attacks and suicide bombings? They are probably just bragging in order to impress and be liked by the world.
It's not my words that are causing the confusion here. It's the AP's words that are causing the confusion here. Oh well, the AP has only been using words to express itself since 1848. Maybe they are yet to get the hang of it. We are probably expecting too much of them.
Or are we?
Would I kid u?
Smartfella?
Congress Needs Your HelpI am certain they would appreciate your assistance.
February 09, 2009 | 04:22 PM
Read what I have reproduced from the text of "H.R. 5140 [110th]: Economic Stimulus Act of 2008" & call your Members of Congress & explain it to them.
The truth is I have spent an hour online trying to find the exact text of The Economic Stimulus Bill. I have had it. I give up. I know it must be out there somewhere.
What I did find was this text labeled "Text of H.R. 5140 [110th]: Economic Stimulus Act of 2008". I know this can't be all of the bill we are hearing so much about because the full bill is thousands of pages long and this is just a few pages.
Having found what I did find, I think I have found the ingredients of a Foolishness...Or Is It? Take the time to try and read through this single Section. No wonder our country is floundering. Even if members of congress do take the time to read all of what they are asked to vote on, I cannot believe that they will have any working retention of what they would have just read.
SEC. 202. TEMPORARY LOAN LIMIT INCREASE FOR FHA.
(a) Increase of High-Cost Area Limit- For mortgages for which the mortgagee has issued credit approval for the borrower on or before December 31, 2008, subparagraph (A) of section 203(b)(2) of the National Housing Act (12 U.S.C. 1709(b)(2)(A)) shall be considered (except for purposes of section 255(g) of such Act (12 U.S.C. 1715z-20(g))) to require that a mortgage shall involve a principal obligation in an amount that does not exceed the lesser of--
(1) in the case of a 1-family residence, 125 percent of the median 1-family house price in the area, as determined by the Secretary; and in the case of a 2-, 3-, or 4-family residence, the percentage of such median price that bears the same ratio to such median price as the dollar amount limitation determined for 2008 under section 305(a)(2) of the Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation Act (12 U.S.C. 1454(a)(2)) for a 2-, 3-, or 4-family residence, respectively, bears to the dollar amount limitation determined for 2008 under such section for a 1-family residence; or
(2) 175 percent of the dollar amount limitation determined for 2008 under such section 305(a)(2) for a residence of the applicable size (without regard to any authority to increase such limitation with respect to properties located in Alaska, Guam, Hawaii, or the Virgin Islands);
except that the dollar amount limitation in effect under this subsection for any size residence for any area shall not be less than the greater of: (A) the dollar amount limitation in effect under such section 203(b)(2) for the area on October 21, 1998; or (B) 65 percent of the dollar amount limitation determined for 2008 under such section 305(a)(2) for a residence of the applicable size. Any reference in this subsection to dollar amount limitations in effect under section 305(a)(2) of the Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation Act means such limitations as in effect without regard to any increase in such limitation pursuant to section 201 of this title.
(b) Discretionary Authority- If the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development determines that market conditions warrant such an increase, the Secretary may, for the period that begins upon the date of the enactment of this Act and ends at the end of the date specified in subsection (a), increase the maximum dollar amount limitation determined pursuant to subsection (a) with respect to any particular size or sizes of residences, or with respect to residences located in any particular area or areas, to an amount that does not exceed the maximum dollar amount then otherwise in effect pursuant to subsection (a) for such size residence, or for such area (if applicable), by not more than $100,000.
(c) Publication of Area Median Prices and Loan Limits- The Secretary of Housing and Urban Development shall publish the median house prices and mortgage principal obligation limits, as revised pursuant to this section, for all areas as soon as practicable, but in no case more than 30 days after the date of the enactment of this Act. With respect to existing areas for which the Secretary has not established area median prices before such date of enactment, the Secretary may rely on existing commercial data in determining area median prices and calculating such revised principal obligation limits.
Would I (or your Congress) kid u (or themselves)?
Smartfella?
Can Good News Be Made To Look Bad?Remember, bad news is news and good news just aint necessary.
February 04, 2009 | 09:18 PM
Our National News Media owes its very existence to Bad News. The trick is for them to keep the Bad News coming or, more importantly, to make Good News into Bad News, whenever possible.
A good example of this was demonstrated in a popular Online News Publication's reporting on last Sunday's Super Bowl.
Here is how it could have reported the Good News to us
ุ 95.4 Million Watch Yesterday's Super Bowl.
ุ Third Highest Telecast In Television History.
Here is how it did report the Bad News to us
ุ SUPER BOWL RATINGS DOWN (in big orange letters).
ุ 95.4 million watch.
ุ Down From 2008.
ุ Number 3 Telecast of All Time.
There you have it, Good News turned into Bad News
ุ Yes, 95.4 million is a whole lot.
ุ Yes, 3rd highest is very high.
ุ But, the way these facts are put together, it comes out looking Bad and, in the world of news reporting, that's "Good".
It's sort of like Americans being told Day After Day, "Unemployment Is Up", "Wages Are Down", "Retail Sales Are Awful", "Schools Are Cutting Back", "Hollywood Celebs Are Laying Off Chauffeurs", "It's Terrible Out There", "Hand Baskets Sales Are Up Sharply" (as in Everything Going To Hell In A Hand Basket) and then (in really big bold lettering) we see this headline "Consumer Confidence Is Down". Now how did that happen?
Would I kid u?
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